Maybe it will all fall into place...eventually

Soooo.....we are officially putting our house up for sale...hopefully within the next week.  I have cleaned and boxed things up for days now.  I've cried...been sick at my stomach...mostly just prayed...without ceasing.

I realize that I've wasted a lot of time in my life being afraid.  I've wasted even more time NOT taking that big leap of faith because you really aren't sure where you might land when you do it.  I know that both David and myself have control issues. We both want that billboard telling us that we are totally on the right path before we make any move with this particular decision.  We've struggled with feeling anxious because we just want what is best for our family but do not have our answer totally...Gleason or Huntingdon?

Isn't that what God requires of us is to trust Him?  It's the waiting that kills me.  I want to see the plans for how the bigger picture will all play out.  That's just not how God works.  I know it...but testing my faith is God's favorite thing...EVER!  

I jumped out of the box a couple of years ago and quit my job where I had tenure and experience to go back to Huntingdon, where I grew up, to teach.  At the time, I was unsure of what grade I would be in, but I actually did it.  Some people were dumbfounded that I would do such a thing...there were a few times I couldn't believe it myself.  I am always so predictable.  I usually stay in my comfort zone.  Typically, I kid myself that I have control because I truly know thats just not the truth.  David, on the other hand, jumps in with both feet...except this time.  

I had ignored the whisper of returning home for years.  Once I made a small move, things started falling into place.  So here we are again... We feel good about trying to sell our house as a first step. 

David will still work in Gleason, which is where he has lived/worked his entire life.  If God plants us in a home in Huntingdon, he will commute just as I have done for over ten years.  He says how will he ever know if he likes it unless he's willing to give it a try.  Chloe Jo will continue in preschool in Huntingdon, and I'm great either way just as long as our family is together. (and I get a master bedroom with a king size bed and my big girl kitchen I've dreamed of all these years.  Haha)

I'm so horrible with the unknown.

  As I reflect over my life and the big decisions I have had to make, I can see how God has always answered my prayers.  Moving back home to teach has been better than I could have imagined.  It hasn't been without challenges but a totally unexpected blessing that I am in fourth grade after years of teaching kindergarten.  

The truth is I love both towns.  Well, we all do.   It's not a bad drive, and if our plan to sell doesn't work I'll be content right where I am.  The drawback will be when CJ starts to school and we have to drive back and forth...maybe a few times a day for whatever reason.   

I am excited to see how this will all unfold.  Either way, I'm counting my blessings for today.  I truly have the best husband.  I admire his willingness to take risks while I'm typically a permanent fixture in the safety zone.  

I'm done with the anxiety and I'm taking the leap.  Please pray for us,friends...

Love

I recently attended the funeral of a sweet soul.

You all know those people in this world.  Honestly, I'm quite certain those will not be words folks use to describe me when I'm gone.  These kind of folks are unique in the way they go through life.  They stand out in the way they love others.

You know, I couldn't fight tears on the way home.  If I let myself think about it now, it's tough.  It isn't his actual death that brings me to tears, but his life...a true love story.

I witnessed it myself.

Most marriages do not last.  Many couples coexist.  Some do their own thing, and some do everything together miserably.  Some marriages seem to be between strangers, but this kind of love was between best friends.  They didn't just love each other...they truly liked each others company and were perfectly content being at home.  This is what we all dream of for ourselves...I'm talking storybook kind of love:)

I've known them only a short while.  They kept my daughter in their home when she was a baby.  They called her "Pitter Pat".  There was never a day when she didn't want to go.  In fact, she cried to stay when I would pick her up.  They shared their own special bond with each child and loved them all dearly.

I felt like I knew their own two children just from listening to them tell about them.  It was so obvious how they adored them, just as they did each other.  Which makes the story that much sweeter.

So, yea, I could get weepy.  

I think about the one who is left here to pick up the pieces and be the strength for her children.  The one who grieves such loss and feels that unimaginable emptiness of life as she knew it for so many years.  I'm at a loss for words because I can sense the brokenness in her voice.  But at the same time, I am screaming to myself, "Man, that is a long time to live with the SAME man!" 

Strangely though, Inside I feel warmth, and the hint of a smile goes across my face because Of the way they loved one another.  What a blessing to have seen this real world love story.  My heart aches at the pain that death brings.  

"Miss" Betty, May you find peace in knowing that your love story will end with a happily ever after...because One day you will be with him again. Thank you for your example of unconditional love and care.  

Oh, and Van, May you rest in peace:)